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Poetry by 91816119

ENGLISH LANGUAGE by lombregrise

Literature. by Concrete-Love


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Submitted on
December 30, 2009
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Her cold hands trace the lands spreading pallor;
In their wake, antique lace of crystal ice-
Scrimshaw tracery of pale frost flowers;
Tears a fickle flurry from fragile skies-

But bitter is her wintered breath the wind,
And ghostly the sound of its satin sighs;
Blue-veined deep the frozen lake of her skin;
Her voice a swansong of icicle lies-

Skeletal spine studded with evergreen-
The sheen of her shimmering white-wove veil
Crowned with holly bush and poinsettia leaf;
Her eyes drowning blue, her skin ghostly pale.
:iconthewrittenrevolution: If this poem could talk it would say:

Sonnets be damned.

I have no need for that last rhyming couplet, thank you very much.

I am perfect exactly the way I am.

But I, personally, wonder... Do I need that last couplet?
Is it less legit without it? Every couplet I try to stick there winds up making the whole piece seem cliched, but I feel like a cheater without it.

And is the imagery overdone?
Add a Comment:
 
:iconpoetrywriter27:
poetrywriter27 Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2014
that's a good discription of winter you have written about, you paint a very good picture with your writing keep up the good work with your writing 
Reply
:iconleyghan:
leyghan Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Lovely this! wholly and completely from the first line to the last.
Reply
:iconlombregrise:
lombregrise Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Professional Writer
invité ici /feat here : [link] :sun:
Reply
:iconautumnlit:
autumnlit Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012
Oh this is beautiful! I love how it shifts, "But bitter is her wintered breath the wind, And ghostly the sound of its satin sighs;" Lovely work! :heart:
Reply
:icondailylitdeviations:
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by =DailyLitDeviations in a news article that can be found here: [link]

Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by :+fav:ing the News Article. Keep writing and keep creating.
Reply
:iconlombregrise:
lombregrise Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Professional Writer
bravo :)
Reply
:iconladyofgaerdon:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Professional Writer
This is gorgeous. If you could find a closing couplet I think it would improve it, but it's lovely as is.
Reply
:iconazizriandaoxrak:
AzizrianDaoXrak Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is just a friendly note to let you know this lovely piece has been FEATURED! [link]

I'd appreciate it if you stopped by to take a peek at the other pieces and faved the article to support the other artists!
Reply
:iconjamberry-song:
jamberry-song Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2010  Professional General Artist
Quite lovely. Some beautiful imagery and alliteration here.

There are some spelling, punctuation, and grammatical errors that could be cleaned up pretty quickly to get this all perfect and polished. Would you like me to help you with them?
Reply
:iconlacydrawers:
LACYDRAWERS Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2010  Professional Writer
Ahhhh dear Kate...
We are our own harshest critics.
Your sonnet is filled to the brim with imagery and each snippet in its perfect place to make this a sonnet worth reading...:iconhrtplz:
Reply
:iconindigoskyes:
IndigoSkyes Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
:iconthewrittenrevolution:

I loved all the alliteration! And the word "scrimshaw" is awesome. :D
The whole thing reminds me of that fairy tale about the Ice Queen.
Sorry I don't have any better feedback...
Reply
:iconhtblack:
HtBlack Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2010
:iconthewrittenrevolution:

I already mentioned about the couplet, which I think would somewhat fit in there, however I just passed by to mention that I love it!
Reply
:iconultimateoutlaw:
UltimateOutlaw Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2010
:heart: Glad you liked it :) I'm considering bailing on the whole sonnet thing and just adding a closing stanza... I'll mess with a more effective ending one way or another :)
Reply
:iconhtblack:
HtBlack Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2010
:thumbsup: Let me know if you tweak it!
Reply
:iconcurseudifferentones:
CurseUDifferentOnes Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2010
:iconthewrittenrevolution:

Gorgeous! One of the best personifications of Winter I've ever read. Your language and imagery were dripping with beauty. I do think it feels open-ended. It doesn;t feel complete. I want to know more. You've got a reader who wished you didn't end so soon. CURSE YOU!!!!

Bust seriously, this was heavenly.
Reply
:iconultimateoutlaw:
UltimateOutlaw Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2010
What a fabulous comment! I'm very glad you enjoyed this piece... I was standing out in literal subzero temperatures typing it into my blackberry with frozen fingers when it came to me, so its good to know it was worth the misery ;)

As for "not being enough" I agree. And maybe thats my problem with a closing couplet. Perhaps it needs *more* than a couplet to draw it to a close... Hmmm... thanks for giving me something to consider!

:heart:
Reply
:iconcurseudifferentones:
CurseUDifferentOnes Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2010
That could work. Who said it even needed to be a real sonnet? It's gorgeous otherwise! And I think you show a lot of dedication managing to type that on a blackberry in freezing temps. (sends warmth)
Reply
:iconpenessence:
Penessence Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2010
SONNET!! :D
Reply
:iconultimateoutlaw:
UltimateOutlaw Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2010
Quasi-Sonnet... I left off that last couplet. Perhaps one day I'll be inspired with something to fill the void, but for now everything I tried sounded trite and cheesy :)
Reply
:iconthetaoofchaos:
thetaoofchaos Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2010   Writer
such magnificent rhyme! especially love the satin smooth feeling of the last stanza.

and yes, without need of another couplet.

;)
Reply
:iconmistakenmagic:
MistakenMagic Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2010
Love your philosophy - I tend to stray away from structured poem in my writing too! This is personification perfection ;)

Erin xxx
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:iconomnius666:
Omnius666 Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Loved it :)
Reply
:iconmoon-and-ash:
Moon-and-Ash Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2010
This emanates a wonderful chill (says she drinking hot chocolate indoors while snow rages outside). I swear my teeth were chattering by the end.

Huge points for using SCRIMSHAW. Great word!

"Blue-veined deep the frozen lake of her skin;
Her voice a swansong of icicle lies-"

My favourite, I think. Gorgeous anthropomorphizing imagery.
Reply
:iconultimateoutlaw:
UltimateOutlaw Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2010
:heart: glad you enjoyed it, I kept having to go back outside into the subzero temperatures to keep my inspiration lol.
Reply
:iconmoon-and-ash:
Moon-and-Ash Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2010
I've experienced far too much of that in the last two days. Not that I'm complaining. Except... of course I am.

I suppose there is SOME good if you can weave it into something epic. I'm looking to you to get me through winter...no pressure. :heart:
Reply
:iconcreaking-door:
creaking-door Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2009
You scatter poetic lines with a delicate touch. A very readable and enjoyable piece created with skill. :)
Reply
:iconultimateoutlaw:
UltimateOutlaw Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2010
:heart: glad you enjoyed!!!
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:iconcreaking-door:
creaking-door Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2010
Did so.:rose:
Reply
:iconkneelingglory:
KneelingGlory Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2009
Ooooh, those last two lines are absolutely lovely, and you made me look up Scrimshaw. Quite the interesting practice. :+fav:
Reply
:iconalapip:
alapip Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
wow! ain't winter a frigid bitch?
good one, Kate!
:)pip
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:iconultimateoutlaw:
UltimateOutlaw Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2010
a frigid bitch indeed! :)
Reply
:icondownwardssaint:
DownwardsSaint Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2009
Beautifully done, as always.
Reply
:iconultimateoutlaw:
UltimateOutlaw Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2010
:heart: thank you :heart:
Reply
:iconli1121:
li1121 Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2009  Student Writer
It's a crime that you don't rhyme more :P
Reply
:iconultimateoutlaw:
UltimateOutlaw Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2009
lol! sometimes I rhyme. It depends on my mood. During melt-down mode I tend to just "poem-rant" and there's no room for finely tuned rhyming there :P Tonight, I happen to not be in melt-down mode, but rather cool-calculating-kate mode. ;)
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:iconli1121:
li1121 Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2009  Student Writer
I suppose it's better than me... Wasting all the rhyme with delusional rants in iambic pentameter. :P
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:iconultimateoutlaw:
UltimateOutlaw Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2009
Nah. I dig your iambic pentameter... Lots!
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